THE FUTURE NEEDS YOU!Listen up, kids, this is important. As some of you may already know, we stand on the brink of a frightening new millennium. Now you're thinking, "In this new millennium, will we finally see flying dogs?" Well, yeah, probably, but we'll cross that incredibly cool bridge when we come to it. Right now, our chief concern is... naming the millennium!
Here's the deal: The new millennium will be named in honor of one of the two most important people from the old millennium. Obviously, I'm talking about Nena and Falco. We're all in agreement here, right? For those of you who are clueless and sad: Nena is that magnificent German songstress who made the world a better place with the crucial song "99 Red Balloons." (Then there was her mesmerizing German-lyrics version "99 Luftballoons.") (Then there was Tim Cavanagh's remarkable parody "99 Dead Baboons.") Meanwhile, Falco, inspired by the Oscar-winning Mozart biography Amadeus, brought us the unforgettable tune "Rock Me Amadeus." (There was also his German-language hit "Der Kommissar.") (That song was then covered, with English lyrics, by the otherwise-useless band After the Fire.) Okay, I hope we're all on the same page now.
Here we have two great artists, whose music crossed political and cultural barriers to touch us all. Friends, the time has come to give a little something back. We must decide if the next thousand years will be a tribute to Nena or Falco.
Will it be...
The Nenium
Or...
The Millennium FalcoIt's time to vote! I'm really not sure which way this will go. There could be more sentimental support for Falco, due to his untimely death in a 1998 automobile accident. And then there is the obvious Star Wars connotation in the name "Millennium Falco." In this year of the long-awaited release of Episode 1, that could be the deciding factor. On the other hand, Nena is thankfully alive and well. She is still actively recording and touring in Europe. This thing could be hers to win or lose, depending on how active a role she chooses to play in it.
Now it would be nice if a few billion people would go to the trouble of voting, thus effecting a true global majority decision. But given the general apathy that prevails whenever Election Day comes around, it's more likely that the choice will be made by an informed, civic-minded minority. That means you! I recommend that you vote very carefully. Give it some thought. Keep in mind that this is probably the most important decision you'll ever make. It will, after all, affect everyone on Earth for the next thousand years. Take your time and consider your options, and then vote with both your heart and your mind.
HOW TO VOTE:
You can send in your vote for either the Nenium or the Millennium Falco by email (spongeawareness@hotmail.com) or by regular mail (Not Your Nightmare, P. O. Box 184, Blackstone, MA 01504). Just write "Nenium" or "Millennium Falco," and be sure to include your name and return address, or the vote won't count. (Gotta keep things honest. Just imagine if in, say, the year 2863, historians discover that their millennium was wrongly named due to ballot box-stuffing!) If you want to elaborate on the reasons for your choice, go right ahead. I'd love to know what you think, and why you have so much free time.The polls will be open right up through the end of 1999. And yes, I realize the new millennium doesn't start until 2001. We'll use the year 2000 to tabulate the results, and to get the word out, so that everyone will know what's going on when the big moment arrives.
And don't worry about the runner-up. Starting in 2004, the next 250 leap years will be known as either "Falcos" or "Nenas."
[Vote] [Contest] [Pie] [Bon Jovi] [Christmas] [The Misers]