Come Look At My Brain
Very serious, important, fake poetry, just for you - enjoy!

(Reminder - all this stuff is Copyright 1999 Kevin Eldridge, and all rights are reserved. Read it here, but please don't steal it and e-mail it to Neptune. Your mom taught you better than that. Tell your alien friends to visit this site instead, okay? Thanks.)

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Sometimes I stop and think
About the human condition,
Our faults and failures,
Our potential for greatness...
But mostly I just think about
Big nasty penguins
Beating each other up.
Yeah! Yeah!
Penguin fight!

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She was
A lovely bride indeed,
And few noticed that
Instead of shoes,
She wore
Little bowls of milk.

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Show me a man of
Honor, courage, and integrity,
With a heart of pure gold,
And I'll show you
Where I hid all the grapes.

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The great thing about giraffes
Is that they're free for the taking.

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We can't really consider this
A civilized society
Until gravy
Has the right to vote.
And my, what a tasty voter
It will be.

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Show me where
I can sleep
And drink coffee
At the same time,
And I'm there.

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Santa's real name
Should be "Kris Thingle,"
Because he does so many things
On Christmas Eve,
Or "Kris Pringle,"
Because he's sealed in a can.

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Happy
As a clam?
Try again, mister;
I'm miserable
As a clam.

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My brother has
The attention span
Of a bag of teeth.
I started to tell him that once,
But, you know.

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Why don't we just
Give the kids what they want:
Pie.

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The mime's performance
Was completely ruined
By his conjoined twin,
Who was a ventriloquist.

---

If you only saw movies
With the title "Potato Babies,"
And movies
That should have the title "Potato Babies,"
You would see
Just about every movie
Ever made.

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Well, that's why I don't get invited to read at many poetry events. Hope you had fun. Most of those poems are from my 1995 collection Come Look At My Brain. (I might be printing an updated edition soon, in which case I'll let you know.) A couple of the other ones first appeared in other places, and one of them is completely new. (Can anyone identify it?) We'll add different poems occasionally, so stop by again sometime. Now shut up and eat your cauliflower.